Conduct

What to do when faced with the bad answers of our children


There are children who are more and less rebellious: there are those who from early childhood are rebellious and already want to impose their criteria and others who are more conformist or peaceful.

However, as they grow older, our children have more arguments when it comes to arguing, trying to negotiate, impose their ideas or win those little day-to-day battles. That's when we look up at the sky and sigh: "It's here, it's preadolescence."

But, what should we do if to impose their criteria they speak to us in a derogatory way, if they even insult us or go out of line, How to act before the bad answers of our children?

Although for us it is a kind of punishment that our little angel is constantly trying to find a fight, impose his criteria at all costs and every time we scold him, he refutes each of the things we say to him, we have to accept that, deep down, he is developing their personality and gaining negotiation skills, in short, they are growing and we must consider that they already have their own opinion.

However, in this phase what we cannot and should not accept are the bad answers of our children, there is a limit to everything. How to stop them if in this phase they speak badly to us?

1 - Do not respond with bad answers
Getting down to their level and using the bad modes will only create a loop and an increasing tension. It is true that it is easy to say it but not to do it, however, it is essential that we do not do precisely what we are trying to avoid in them. It is about educating them consistently and by example.

2 - Be blunt
That we do not give bad answers does not mean that we have to allow them in our children. Without yelling, without insults and without verbal violence, we have to be firm and clear, we are not going to allow them to talk to us in that way and, while they do, we will not have a conversation with them.

3 - What's behind the bad answer?
We have to try to figure out what is wrong with him, not blame everything on his preadolescence and know what bothers him, why he is angry with us and if there is anything we can improve so that he does not feel so angry.

4 - Do not criticize being, criticize being
It means that, in a moment of conflict, avoid the "you are a contested", "you are bad", "you are a disaster", instead of putting labels that, will end up assuming with the passage of time, we must question what he did, that moment where he was wrong.

5 - Do not laugh the grace to the child
When bad answers occur in very young children, sometimes we find it funny, and we laugh when they respond, however, from the first manifestations, we must let them know that it is not a way to speak and that we will only listen to them when speak to us correctly.

6 - Do not allow insult
Sometimes we don't set clear rules and we set so many that children find it confusing. It is preferable to put few but very clear rules and one of them may be: "don't stick and don't insult". When they are calm, we will explain the importance of tolerance and respect in treating others and that an idea or a criterion can be defended, without the need to give bad answers or insult.

7 - Consequence of bad answers
If the children come to insult us or give a hurtful and painful reply, we can send them time out, instead of screaming and arguing. We will remove them from the situation without getting involved in the battle so that they realize that he has hurt our feelings and that we do not want to be with him if he behaves like this.

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Video: Question and Answers 8:7:20 (December 2021).