A mode of learning that is inherited generation after generation is to educate in guilt; that is, they make us feel guilty for what we had done.
This is a fast and deep-rooted form of punishment that is difficult to shake off, despite the fact that it has a background that we cannot see with the naked eye, that affects our personality throughout life.
Just as we receive this education, we continue to impart it, and when the behavior of our children makes us cry out to heaven and they rationally block us, It leads us to make wrong decisions, those in which one has just finished pronouncing the words and is already regretting it.
That's when guilt rises to the hump and accompanies us relentlessly.
1- Do not be martyredWe are all human and at a given moment things can get out of hand, so, although it is essential to accept our mistakes, and even ask our children for forgiveness (something very necessary if we want them to learn to ask for it), either It is necessary to flagellate ourselves daily until our flesh is torn.
2- When we have gone through the punishment, whether physical or psychological (both equally malignant for the child's development), if possible, we must amend what has been done, that is, loosen the punishment but always explaining to our children the reason for that decision. It is not to become softer, but to teach them that we can all make mistakes and that we try to be great parents, but that we are also human and, on many occasions, we have the same feelings of anger as them.
3- Children should not be blamed for our actions with phrases such as: 'You take me to do these things', 'I'm going to stop wanting you if you do that', because then we will be repeating the same mistakes they made with us, but we will make them understand our position and foster empathy with them , in order to avoid the withdrawal that the punishment produces.
4- Guilt can be good when it makes us not repeat the mistakes made, when it leads us to reflect on our actions and seek new alternatives and solutions to conflicts. Conflicts with children must be resolved, not through fear of punishment or abandonment by parents for not complying with the rules, but teaching them to reflect and to know why these behaviors should not be admitted.
When the child is capable of assimilating that his behavior involves harm, that is when he will really be learning to respect and will not repeat it again.
5- The guilt, however, must last in our mind just and necessary. We must be aware of our limitations as parents and when we are unable to resolve a conflict, try to appease the spirits and reflect on what decision we are going to make in this regard.
You always have to keep in mind that it is about educating and correcting them, not that they suffer, and neither will you. So next time try take several breaths before you have to regret it, and if you can't, look at their good side and try to learn from that guilt. It is a hard method of learning, but at the end of the day something good has to have.
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